When the rules are less defined, shows tend to wobble. You get circular dreck like “Forever Eden” or “Paradise Hotel” where the contestants themselves, much less the audience, aren’t sure what the point of the show is. 

    You can’t expect TV viewers whose attention span has been severely compromised by “CSI” and “ER” to stay tuned.

    And that is the main problem with ABC’s new show “The Benefactor,” premiering tonight at 8 p.m. As billionaire Mark Cuban, who will give the winner $1 million of his own money, reminds us approximately 728 times, the only rule is that there are no rules. 

   That also means that there is no logic, and there’s no rhyme nor reason to who gets kicked off, when they get kicked off, or why. In the first episode, three people are eliminated, one for calling the game stupid when he thought no one was listening, another for not being as perky in person as she was on tape, and the third for losing a game of Jenga.

   Future episodes will depend on tests as random as shooting baskets and impressing a troop of second-graders. During all this nonsense, the group of contestants live and presumably fight together in a beautiful mansion equipped with cameras in every room so that Cuban can always monitor what they’re doing.

   Cuban, whose vocabulary consists entirely of clichés, thinks this makes the game interesting and unpredictable. Actually, it makes it frustrating and numbing.

   The best thing about reality shows is rooting for your favorite character to nail the test or hit the high note. With “The Benefactor,” you don’t know what will help them stay or go. Eventually you won’t care.

Quality of show (on a scale of 10): 4

    If you’ve ever heard Cuban talk, you know he’s a smart, very perceptive, funny guy. Unfortunately, none of this comes across on “The Benefactor.”

   He seems like a cross between a hyperactive cartoon character and the geekiest guy at a “Star Trek” convention. He also exhibits a mix of sadism and voyeurism that would embarrass “Dogville” director Lars von Trier, eagerly taking notes on each contestant from the secret room where the house tapes roll. “They have no clue I’m watching,” he boasts a bit too gleefully.

   There are some likable characters, such as down-to-earth pro football player Linda and hottie small business owner Latané. There are also some odious ones, such as obnoxious William and dim Spencer, who when asked to describe the biggest risk he ever took describes one he did not take, wrapping up with, “Yep, I’m a huge risk-taker.” Sweetie, you just showed that you’re not.

   But even with the requisite reality mix of blonde babes and the bitchy brunette who hates them, it will be difficult for viewers to warm to the show when sneezing at the wrong time could result in their favorite being booted.

Positioning (on a scale of 10): 4

   ABC has struggled for years to find a compatible lead-in to highly rated “Monday Night Football,” one year even starting the games an hour earlier to avoid the dilemma. 

   The thought seems to be that since Cuban owns a sports team, the Dallas Mavericks, that this is thus a sportsy show. But once football fans discover that’s the extent of the sports connection, they’ll turn “The Benefactor” off.
   Competing against another reality show with an established following (NBC’s “Fear Factor”) and CBS’s bland but comfortable comedy lineup, “Benefactor” will have trouble drawing an audience, especially among adults 18-49. 

Cachet, or the “Arrested Development” factor (on a scale of 10): 3
    Ever since the show was announced, on the heels of NBC’s success with “The Apprentice,” Cuban has been mocked as the poor network’s Donald Trump. He’s fairly well known in the sports world but not too far out of it.

    And with its weird undertones of a bisexual “The Bachelor” – Cuban’s early favorites seem to be Latané and male model Dominic, both of whose looks are commented on often – creeped-out critics already have dismissed it.

Overall (on a scale of 30): 11.

   Cuban had better keep on that pace of eliminating several players per episode because he probably won’t get through all 13.

Read past fall show reviews:

WB's "Blue Collar TV"

NBC's "Father of the Pride"

NBC's "Hawaii"

NBC's "Joey"

NBC's "Medical Investigation"

-  Toni Fitzgerald is a staff writer for Media Life.

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