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Ads can sell toothpaste. They can't sell America.

By George Simpson

    Despite Charlotte Beers' failure to burnish the image of the U.S. abroad during the ongoing war on terror, Washington continues to believe in the marketing of America and is identifying other ad and marketing professionals who could offer advice, according to news reports citing State Department and Congressional sources.
   Three agency executives and several marketing officials are under consideration to serve on a short-term public diplomacy commission that will advise Congress on how America can improve its image with Arabs and Muslims.
   Where, might you ask about now, do I get in line?
   Imagine the professional lift you could get if your ideas convince someone who sees the U.S. as imperialist invaders that we, in fact, are liberators … 10,000 dead, the lack of running water, electricity and civil obedience notwithstanding.
   You know, I’m a huge fan of advertising. I use 25-year-old taglines in everyday conversation. Gee, I still think United’s sky is friendly and that things DO go better with Coke. And am saddened when my kids stare back at me blankly when I ask, “So, where’s the beef?” I nearly cried with joy when I first saw the Honda Cog ad on the web. I get nostalgic for Ovaltine and Brylcreme and Esso.
   But I have my doubts that any amount of creative thinking can help sell Arabs on the idea that we’re just a bunch of swell folks trying to help the world be a better place. Just like 30-second spots and center-spreads aren’t going to reconcile Northern Ireland’s Catholics and Protestants or get the Chinese and Taiwanese to have a beer and talk it over.
   It’s one thing to get your old man to test drive an imported SUV after he’s spent a lifetime in Ford sedans or get your husband out of the Levis he’s been in since college or convince a hardcore Crest user that Colgate is just as good, if not better, but I don’t think advertising can overcome in some cases thousands of years of hatred and bitterness.
   Advertising’s best and brightest couldn’t stop the youth of America from tokin’ up or laying off the Ecstasy at discos. And agencies that agreed to help prove that Jesus wouldn’t drive a Suburban ain’t enterin’ THAT creative in any ad competitions.
   Let’s face it. If I’m on my way to get an abortion, the bumper sticker on the car ahead of me or the shocked-up billboard isn’t going to stop me. In fact, it’ll only piss me off.
   While one might argue that the success of Chia Pets and Ginsu knives is proof that advertising can sell ANYTHING, and that the Goldwater A-bomb ad might have changed a couple of votes, in my view I think the industry ought stay out of geopolitics and stick to convincing kids that Pop Tarts are part of a nutritious breakfast.

-George Simpson is a longtime public relations guy promoting the interests of media properties, from magazines to the internet, as well as an occasional contributor to Media Life.

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