Dear Rachel,
I have just graduated and am working as a media planner and buyer at a small production and media agency in the UK. My problem is with a rep who works at one of the TV channels I buy from. Let’s call him X. He is a approximately my age (23-25), not particularly well spoken, a general bit of a lad. I don’t know if it's because he perceives me as junior or because I am female or even because of my accent (I am reasonably well spoken), but this man has done nothing but show me blatant disrespect. Whenever possible X goes over my head and deals with my MD, not me, despite the fact I am the buyer. He has reneged on verbal deals and frequently fails to return calls and emails. When I asked for a proposal for a 20K monthly spent across three of his channels, it took him three days to get back to me, despite my explaining I needed it by the end of the day. My boss, who's male, doesn't really know how to advise me, as everyone else in the office is male and aged 28 and over. He has been nice about it but I really want to show him I can handle this. There is another chap at the same sales house who seems much more professional. Should I just deal with him from now on? I really have no clue how to handle this, and I don’t want to be another passive female who doesn’t fulfill her potential.--Anonymous and Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,
You have taken the first step by informing your boss. You are right, this sort of thing can seriously undermine you in your job. You must address it. And it is good to let your superiors know what is happening.

But now having done that, you must act. Your superiors will be watching, and if you muff it, you will diminish yourself in their eyes. A lot about being a buyer is learning how to navigate through off-putting behavior to get the best deal for your client. If you can't do that, you should be thinking of some other line of work.

Your superiors are expecting you to handle this on your own, as much as they may express sympathy.

This is clearly case of a rep looking to get the upper hand early and to hold it. He's a jerk, for sure, but as things stand now, he's getting away with it. You need to end this quickly.

You have several options.

You could complain to his boss in writing, after logging details of his unprofessional behavior. But that's probably not the best approach. It makes you sound whiny and weak, for one. And you can be assured his boss is already aware of X's behavior and approves of it at some level. X is bringing in the business. His behavior works. He's being paid to push through, going over heads where necessary, to get sales. X's boss isn't going to do anything to endanger that.

You could deal with the other man at the office who seems more professional, cutting X out of the process entirely, and doing it in a professional manner. That may work. Our second person, Y, may turn out to be a dream to work with, and X may be happy to be rid of you so he can go after other more rewarding business.

But that's not likely. X will most assuredly raise a stink, and Y will suddenly become less accessible. X is not going to allow you to go around him if in fact he's behaving the way he is to maintain the upper and with you.

Your best approach is to confront X directly. 

“I have always found that dealing with people very directly works wonders,” says one experienced female media buyer. “Ask him for a cup of coffee and go over his behavior. List the offensive things he has done and then ask him why he is behaving this way. If it is brought out in the open, it is harder for someone to behave in a passive-aggressive way.

Don't mince words, either. Tell him he's a jerk and tell him why. Tell him you won't put up with his behavior and if he doesn't clean up his act you'll give the business to the competition.

And don't let it slide into becoming a personal thing, about how you might become a better person and in so doing improve the relationship.

This is not a marriage in trouble. It's business. Remember that you are negotiators sitting on opposite sides of the table, each with the aim of getting the best deal. Don't ever confuse business and personal.

It's true that great friendships evolve between buyers and sellers, but they come over time, and they arise out of mutual respect for how the other does business.

Great salespeople earn respect by coming up with programs that really help their clients achieve goals, and they can be ingenious solutions. The worst salespeople, men like X, rely on cheap psychological tactics.

The best you can do is neutralize them. That's what you need to do here.