If ever a show's name captured its content accurately but without a hint of creativity or diplomacy, "Fat March" is it. The new ABC series, debuting tonight at 9, is indeed about a bunch of fat people on a very long march.

And if the name is entirely appropriate, without an ounce of compassion, the series is technically proficient without offering much in the way of charm, inspiration or compelling drama.

"Fat March," like the physical competition it chronicles, is slow, tiring and virtually devoid of entertainment value.

It's also not very nice, pitting the marchers against each other in an off-key "Survivor"-style elimination, rather than building around teamwork and mutual support.

This lack of any human quality or warmth extends to the marchers. They're hard to root for because we never really get to know them in any depth. The same goes for their two trainers.

The whole show feels like exactly what it is: a lazy idea poorly executed and dumped into the network summer dustbin that is early August. America could have gone through the entire summer without "Fat March" and been better off for it.

"Fat March's" troubles begin with the premise; a dozen morbidly obese adults trying to lose significant amounts of weight, a sort of "The Biggest Loser" meets "Shaq's Big Challenge" but without their warmth and upbeat messages.

We meet, among others, Shane, a 500-pound youth minister, Jami Lynn, a 226-pound military wife, and Anthony, a 410-pound, 25-year-old virgin.

The contestants walk together all the way from Boston to Washington, D.C. If they all make it, they split $1.2 million dollars. But if people drop out, the total pot drops as well. There are pit stops at which individual weight checks are done.

There's another twist: If a majority of marchers feel that someone is slowing them down, they can kick the person out. The contestants must weigh the cost of cutting colleagues against how it will affect their chances of finishing and how much less it will mean in their pockets if they do.

There's something awry about a weight-loss show that kicks out people who are still working to cut the pounds. Other weight-loss shows have competitive elements but the greater emphasis is always on helping the people lose the pounds. So even if they get booted eventually, the audience has gotten caught up in their efforts to change their lives.

"March” still might work, even with its dog-eat-dog mentality, if the producers were to first develop the contestants as sympathetic figures. But all we get are perfunctory mini-bios. We meet the preacher but don’t get much insight into him beyond the label. We do not engage with the virgin beyond the stereotype.

Imagine how compelling their efforts would be if we really knew something meaningful about them. How did they get this way? What motivated them to want to take such drastic action to change their lives now?

This deficiency is exacerbated by a total absence of camaraderie among the contestants. If in fact it did exist, it was edited out, along with their trainers’ personalities.
 
"Fat March” has the requisite inspiring music and carefully constructed team challenges, yet it lacks any real heart or genuine enthusiasm, and worse, it seems clueless to its failings.