Dear Rachel,
A young man who interned for our agency last summer has asked if I will be a reference for him during his upcoming job search. The problem is, I'm not sure I want to. Although we got along very well personally, I don't think much of his work. He was sloppy and lazy, which was odd because he's also very smart and personable. I think he has potential, but he has to overcome those other problems to find it. Should I tell him not to use me, or should I agree to be a reference and warn potential employers about these problems? I was not his boss, so I never addressed these problems with him directly.-- Strung up in San Francisco

Dear Strung,
This is a very difficult situation, and one that most supervisors must face sooner or later. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer, it is what you feel comfortable with and can live with.

Almost all larger companies have policies regarding who can give references and what can be said. Find out what your agency’s policy is before you agree to anything.

The big worry is lawsuits arising out of negative references. Many agencies will say how long the employee worked for them, their position and rate of pay, no more. To more detailed questions, they simply reply that it is not their policy to comment further.

Some companies that are reviewing candidates go so far as to hire reference-checking services that use court reporters to call past employees. The reporters take down every word, and then sign an affidavit that can be used in court in the event someone sues after being turned down for a job.

If you find you are free to say what you like, then you have some thinking to do. Your best option may be to tell him that although you like him very much personally, his work didn’t impress you. Gently tell him why.

Say you would be glad to recommend him for his personal qualities and to discuss his potential, but you will have to be honest about the fact that there were some issues with his work that could use improving.
 
Then let him decide whether to use you as a reference or to find someone else.

One option is to write a letter and let him read it and see if he wants to use it. Another possibility would be to offer to write a factual letter detailing dates of employment and personal qualities.

But tell him that if his potential employer calls and questions you about his performance, you will have to be honest. Remember, in a slower economy hiring decisions tend to take longer and employers may be more likely to carefully check references.

No matter what, do not agree to give a glowing reference when one is not deserved. Be truthful when you give a reference, or say nothing at all.

“If you don’t want to ruin your reputation in the media community, never lie about a reference,” one longtime Atlanta media person tells me. “And I mean don’t exaggerate, don’t mince words, don’t dissemble. You have to tell it like it is, or you will lose the respect of your colleagues.”

And that leads us to your final option, and perhaps the smartest of the lot.

Tell him that because you were not his direct supervisor, you don’t feel it's appropriate to offer a recommendation. It's a fair and honest answer.

He may take the hint.