Rachel speaks!
Rachel, I've got these two media queens
By Rachel
Oct 23, 2009 - 1:01:49 AM

Dear Rachel,

I work with these two women, and I could strangle them both. They used to be best friends but they had a falling out over a guy and refuse to speak. I have to work with them--so does everyone else in the department--and it makes for an impossible situation. Their supervisor seems not to notice, or chooses not to notice. I want to do something to resolve this but need your help. So help me. Tell me what I should do. Sign me Peacemaker in the Old West

Dear Peacemaker.
It sounds like you have supervisor who suffers from selective vision. He or she should step in. But since that's not going to happen, it appears it's up to you to resolve this conflict for the good of the department.

First, accept the fact that you could well lose the friendship of both unless you handle things very deftly, and even then you risk alienating one or both.

Keep in mind that old expression--no good deed ever goes unpunished. When you step into a personal spat, there are always risks. Just ask any police officer who's gone out to resolve domestic disputes.

With that in mind, I would approach each separately, ideally over lunch, and lay out the problem.

Put it to them straight: Their personal tiff is hurting the productivity of the department and that it has to be resolved. Then set up a meeting where you bring them together, ideally during off hours, away from the office, and in neutral territory--maybe your living room couch.

It's important to make clear that neither you nor anyone else expects them to be best friends again, only that they begin dealing with each other on some sort of civil terms.

If they are to be friends again, it will evolve naturally and over time.

That's not your issue, and you must make that clear to both. There are two very different things going on here, the personal animosity and what's going on in the office, and you want to stick with what you can resolve, which is the latter.

It's also important to make it clear to both how much their hostilities are disrupting operations and annoying their co-workers.

They may not care about each other, but you can bet they care about the regard they are held in by everyone else in the department. Typically, when hostilities like these break out, the participants are so caught up in their anger that they don't realize how others are reacting to the situation.

Lastly, I would offer to become a mediator in the event that trouble breaks out as the two begin to work things out. It could well turn out to be a thankless task, but it may prove critical for things to work out.

At a least, it will be a comfort to both to know they do have someone to turn to if a problem does arise.

Good luck, and I'm glad I am not in your shoes.