Dear Rachel,
A few years back, when I was starting out in media, I worked with a person I would described as gifted but difficult. That’s putting it mildly. Working for her was like being in a pressure cooker, but at the same time I learned so much. When I left, she did not take it well, and in the time since she has refused to return any of my messages. I knew she was angry that I would leave, but I figured she’d get over it. I was wrong. I do respect this person, and I want to rebuild that relationship. Any advice? -- Downhearted in Boston

Dear Downhearted,
How interesting, a media person who’s gifted but difficult.

I think we’ve all known and worked with that sort of person, and we tend not to forget them, once we forgive them for their many and obvious flaws.

You are right to want to reconstruct that friendship, and I applaud you for it.

It’s so easy to dismiss people like that, but in fact they make lasting impressions precisely because they are so intense about what they do and so demanding of us. They seem to go through life perpetually confused over why the world doesn’t share their passion for perfection.

My advice is to simply ignore the silence at the other end of this relationship.

Keep sending notes on all the things you are doing, and of course always include a word or two of gratitude for the many things you learned from her.

Trust me, she will read everything you send her way, as aloof as she may want to appear.

You are sending really two messages. The first and most obvious is that you think of her and care for her. The second is that you refuse to be put off in your quest to resume a friendship. She’ll pick up both messages.

Who knows?

In time she could well respond, perhaps with a short note to begin with. But then again she may not.

People like that have a very difficult time when it comes to mending fences, and she just may not be up to it. But you will have made the effort, and that’s what will count. You will have done the right thing.

So keep sending those notes.